18: A Networking Night in DC: Inside the Elite COSMOPOLITICS Party
Cracking the Code of Mingling & Successful Socializing
Alright, check it out! So last night, I’m in Washington D.C., right? And let me tell you, it's like the Hollywood of politics over there. I'm there to party because one of my best friends, Elise Labott, just hit the big time with her new Substack newsletter, "COSMOPOLITICS."
Big shoutout to Catherine Valentine and the Substack Election squad for a night to remember - you guys ROCK!
This wasn't any old Tuesday hangout.
As a matter of fact, had you been with Elise, the 80 plus elite attendees and me, you definitely would have felt the atmosphere buzzing with energy. The place was packed and as soon as my boyfriend, Antone, and I entered the private room in the back of the high-end Dupont Circle bar, we were offered a cocktail. But not just any old drink - a "COSMOPOLITICS cocktail," which were a huge hit – a mix of sophistication and wit, much like Elise’s newsletter by the same name. It wasn't just about the drinks, though. The room was a melting pot of US government officials, CNN correspondents, news producers, diplomats, and reporters. Each conversation offered a new perspective, a different story. It was networking at its finest, but with the added thrill that only D.C. can provide.
Now, Elise, she's a legend in this scene. As you might imagine, she's got the magic touch for making everyone feel like a VIP. At this bash, she was introducing me to everyone, reminding them of our epic first meet in the CNN makeup room 15 years back. She was about to interview Hillary Clinton, and there I was, dishing out body language tips for spotting when she’s holding back or (a’hem) flat out lying. Next thing we know, we're buddies for life – thick as thieves, you know?
While Elise and I have a lot in common, when it comes to networking we differ (big time), I HATE it and she SLAYS it! Perhaps you’re like me and networking is not really your jam. I’m also wondering if like me, after 10-minutes of getting to the bar full of strangers, if your introverted side would want to kidnap you and walk you one block away to the famous Kramer Books, to have a private dinner with your significant other outside on a 72-degree night at the end of January? Umm…too specific maybe? Ok, my introverted boyfriend and I did do exactly that but only after an hour of mingling!
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen." Brene Brown
I get it, sometimes making small talk feels like climbing Everest, right?! And, here’s the deal, I know I can help you (at least get you mingling for an hour)! How do I know you’re wondering?…
Well, over the years, I've had to cook up my own playbook for these shindigs to not let the introverted side of me run away after the first hellos (or not show up in the first place). So, for all my fellow extroverted/introverts out there (or even if you're a 100% introvert) – I'm about to share some of my top mingling strategies. With these tricks, you can still rock the boat without tipping it over. It's all about asking the right tone and pitch and use of your voice, the right questions that spark a different kind of conversation – more creative, more dynamic, and the right way to listen.
Let's make those networking events less of a chore and more of an adventure, shall we?
Mingling Mastery: 4 Simple Strategies for Social Success
As my introverted boyfriend, Antone, and I quietly navigated through the sea of CNN correspondents, diplomats, and reporters, I began to think to myself, this might make an interesting newsletter for you, so here we are friend! Here are my “4 Simple Strategies for Social Success.” These aren't just any old tips; these are the game-changers that turned me from a networking newbie into a social butterfly in those high-profile shindigs.
Plus, I’m including a treasure trove of my all-time favorite TEDx talks that go hand-in-hand with each of these strategies. These aren't just your run-of-the-mill talks; they're the ones that have inspired me, transformed my way of thinking, and yes, they've made me chuckle more than once. I've watched them over and over, and I've been that annoying friend who keeps recommending them to everyone. Now, I'm passing these gems on to you. So, buckle up sister and brother and get ready to join the millions who've enjoyed these specific TED talks. They're not just informative; they're a total blast!
Let the FUN and learning begin!
#1. The "Cosmopolitics Cocktail" Icebreaker & What NOT to Do or Say When Meeting New People
Shake up your introduction like a master mixologist crafting a one-of-a-kind COSMOPOLITICS cocktail! Studies highlight the power of a unique first impression in forging stronger recall and connections. So, kick off with a zinger: “Imagine this cocktail as a political policy – what would it stand for?” This approach is not just FUN; it's a brilliant icebreaker that smoothly transitions you into more meaningful chit-chat (more easy to remember networking questions below).
And speaking of engaging conversations, let's learn from Julian Treasure's TEDx talk, a favorite of 39 million viewers. He identifies the 10 deadly sins of speaking we should avoid to make our conversations more impactful. These sins include gossip, judging, negativity, complaining, excuses, lying, dogmatism, and a few others. Plus, he doesn’t just stop at what not to do – he also guides us on how to effectively use our voice to enhance our communication.
Remember, it's not just what you say, but how you say it that makes all the difference!
#2. Umm, The Name Game?!
Remembering names is crucial. A study from the University of Dale Carnegie found that people feel more valued when their name is remembered. Try this trick: when someone introduces themselves, think of a famous person with the same name and picture them together.
Oh man, let me tell you about the power of linking names - it's like superglue for your brain! So this one time, I'm at the swanky Westin in Boston, right? I'm living it up in the presidential suite for this gig I'm doing. I ring up room service, and the lady's all hyped up about the room I'm in. She's like, "Guess what? Last week, Richard Gere was chilling right where you are!" And I'm thinking, "Whoa, I'm about to snooze where the 'Pretty Woman' hunk snoozed, shower where he showered? Talk about star power!"
But wait, it gets better – or weirder, depending on how you see it. She then drops another name: Hillary Clinton, just four days after Richard Gere. Suddenly, my solo luxury suite feels like a crowded party. There I am in the shower, and my imagination's running wild – me, Richard Gere, and Hillary Clinton, all in the same shower? That image got etched in my brain so deep, every time I step into a Westin now, it's like a celebrity reunion in my head.
Here are more unique ways to help you remember names:
Association Technique: Connect the person's name with something familiar to you. For example, if you meet a "Steve," you might think of "Steve Jobs." This link creates a mental image that can help recall the name later.
Use the Name in Conversation: As soon as you learn the person's name, use it in your conversation. For instance, say, "Nice to meet you, Emily," or ask, "How long have you lived in this area, Emily?" Repeating the name makes it more likely to stick in your memory.
Make a Rhyme or Alliteration: Create a simple rhyme or use alliteration to remember the name. For example, "Dan the Man" or "Jumping Janet." This can be especially effective for names that lend themselves to playful or memorable associations.
Connect to Personal Characteristics: Try linking their name to a noticeable characteristic, hobby, or profession. For instance, "Becky with the bright blue eyes" or "Gardening George." This method creates a vivid association between the name and something unique about the person.
Now it’s time to hang on tight because we are about to zoom into the brainy world with Ricardo Lieuw's TEDx talk. It's like a gym for your memory, watched by over 13 million! Ricardo's got these ninja tricks to triple your memory, mixing cool science with tips you can actually use. So, whether you're hitting the books, trying to remember who's who at work, or just wanna beef up your brain game, this talk's your ticket to becoming a memory champ.
Get ready to give your brain muscles a major workout!
By incorporating some (or all) these techniques into your interactions, you'll find it becomes easier to remember names, making social and professional situations more comfortable and engaging. And remember linking people together in your memory works like a charm, but be careful who you link – you never know who might show up in your shower thoughts!
#3. Listen More, Speak Less
In a world where everyone wants to be heard, be the one who listens. Harvard research indicates that being a good listener makes you more likeable. To help you master the art of listening more and talking less, here are various strategies and insights that you may find helpful:
Notice the Signs of Talking Too Much: Be aware of cues that indicate you might be dominating the conversation. These include talking for more than 60-70% of the conversation, rambling, repeating the same things, or noticing others looking bored or distracted.
Pause and Tune In: Create intentional pauses in your conversations to truly listen to what others are saying. This involves setting aside distractions, making eye contact, and physically positioning yourself to show you're engaged in the conversation.
Reflect and Ask for Clarity: Show that you're listening and understanding by reflecting back what the other person is saying, and don’t hesitate to ask for clarity if you need it.
Empathize: Try to see through the eyes of the person you're speaking with. Understand their perspective and experiences as distinct from your own, and resist the urge to immediately counter their points or solve their problems.
Practice Active Listening: This includes maintaining eye contact, not jumping ahead in the conversation, and focusing on understanding rather than just responding. Active listening involves being comfortable with silence and reflecting back what the speaker has said to confirm understanding.
“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” Dalai Lama
Now it’s time to check out Celeste Headlee giving us the lowdown on chat game in her TEDx talk about how to be a better listener, watched by over 13 million people!
Imagine this: You've got honesty, brevity, clarity, and a whole lot of ear-lending – that's the secret sauce for top-notch talks. She's laying out 10 killer rules to amp up your convo skills. It's all about diving into talks, really hearing folks out, and getting your mind blown by what they say.
Trust me, it's like a comedy show for your brain – you're gonna love it!
By incorporating these techniques, you can enhance your conversational skills, making interactions more meaningful and balanced. Remember, effective communication is as much about listening as it is about speaking.
#4: Unlocking Engaging Conversations with the LIFE Acronym: 4 Key Questions to Transform Your Social Interactions
Here is a FUN acronym, I’ve been using successfully for years, that may help you have unique conversations - and ultimately enhance your networking or social interactions.
It’s the acronym "LIFE":
L**atest - "What's the latest project or hobby you've been excited about?"
I**nterest - "What's one interest or activity you wish you had more time for?"
F**un - "Have you had any FUN or unusual experiences lately?"
E**xperience - "Can you share a memorable experience you had recently?"
“Always the beautiful answer who asks a more beautiful question.” E. E. Cummings
Each of these questions is designed to steer away from the typical "how are you" or work-related queries, opening the door to more personal and engaging conversations. They allow the people you’re meeting to share about their passions, hobbies, and experiences, which can lead to more meaningful connections.
Alright, check this out! You start chatting with someone, getting them to share, and boom – suddenly, you're thinking like a hostage negotiator. Yeah, you heard that right! Like the ones in action movies, but cooler. It's all about finding out who they are, what ticks for them, and then – here's the FUN part – you give them a cool trait like “The Confidante” or “The Guru.”
Now, hold up, 'cause I gotta sneak in a cheeky plug for my first of four TEDx talks (below). In it, I'm spilling the beans on how to make people trust you, spill their guts, and work with you like you're the Pied Piper. I know, I know, it sounds like I'm tooting my own horn, but trust me, give it a watch, and you'll walk away with a whole new playbook on getting folks to cooperate. You might just leave thinking, "Why didn't I try this sooner?"
Leave me a comment about what’s your take-a-way from the talk…
Here are 5 traits you can assign to someone at a networking event to make them like you and think about you afterwards:
"You're a great listener. It's refreshing to have someone who genuinely pays attention to what others have to say."
"You're incredibly knowledgeable and you have interesting insights to share. It's a pleasure to connect with you."
"You're a natural connector. You have a talent for bringing people together and creating a sense of community."
"You're so genuine and authentic. It's refreshing to meet someone who is true to themselves."
"You have a great sense of empathy. You're able to understand and relate to others on a deep level."
Remember, these traits should be genuine and specific to the person you're talking to. And also be sure to use the LIFE acronym to unlock engaging conversations and you will transform your social interactions. By asking questions about the latest projects, interests, fun experiences, and memorable moments, you can steer away from the usual small talk and delve into more personal and meaningful conversations.
But it doesn't stop there!
You will take your networking skills to the next level by thinking like a hostage negotiator and assigning positive traits to the people you meet. With traits like being a great listener, knowledgeable, a natural connector, genuine and authentic, and having a strong sense of empathy, you can leave a lasting impression and make others think about you longggg after the networking event is over.
The Takeaway
That’s the end of this journey this evening! Hopefully you got to read it before heading out on the town to mingle!
Remember, mingling isn’t just about adding contacts to your phone; it’s about making genuine connections. These strategies aren’t just tactics; they’re pathways to meaningful interactions. So, the next time you find yourself at a COSMOPOLITICS-like event, channel your inner Elise Labott classy, smart, interested and authentic social butterfly and remember: mingle boldly, listen deeply, and enjoy every moment!
Sign up for COSMOPOLITICS today and get your news the same place I do! :)